Papabear,
It seem for a while now I been working as a medical assistant I help nurses and doctors on a daily basis, mostly with the disabled and mentally handicapped. so I deal with an array of medical issues, I help with some type of end of life care, and I have to be so positive I haven’t had time to let out my stress. It’s starting to wear me out. I haven't been feeling happy. My fursona, Mr. Silvius, I feel like he's becoming negative. Are my emotions affecting Mr. Silvius? Thank you, Papa Bear Mr. Silvius (21) * * * Dear Mr. Silvius, I would say that yours is a very astute and likely correct observation. When we are unable or unwilling to express our emotions—especially negative emotions—in some way, all that aggravation, frustration, and pain has to come out in some manner or else we would explode. In extreme cases, this is why you see some people “go postal” and actually murder people. They feel that no one listens to them or that they are powerless and it becomes way too extreme for them, overwhelming them into lethal behavior. I’m not saying you’ll do that, don’t worry. You have found, subliminally, a safer way to release your emotions, transferring them to your fursona. I can certainly understand how your work would leave you sad, frustrated, and even angry. You have to plaster that smile on your face and force your voice to be upbeat even in cases where you know there is no hope. Congratulations on being so unselfish and helping people the way you do. Now we have to help you! The best way I’ve found to release anger and other pent-up emotions is vigorous exercise. Ever feel like you want to kick the you-know-what out of something? Go to the gym and hit and kick a punching bag. Even better, take martial arts lessons, which show you not only how to kick butt but also how not to. By having discipline combined with physical exertion, you can really manage your darker emotions. Other ways to do this are things like running and swimming and weight training. Not only will this release a lot of energy from your body, it will make you healthier, and good health is an excellent way to reduce stress in your life. I think you will find that if you follow one of these strategies that best suits your interests and needs that the negative feelings will dissipate into the air and there won’t be any left to transfer to your fursona. If it doesn’t work, write to me again and we’ll talk some more. Good luck! Be Blessed! Papabear
3 Comments
Hey there.
I've asked questions of you a couple of times in the past, and I've appreciated your solid advice. As a bit of an update relevant to my next question, I left the family business(which was winding down to a close) for what was supposed to be my dream job. Six months of my life condensed into a few sentences, I quickly tired of the corporate grind despite a very nice paycheck. My folks decided to continue the business and invited me back with a hefty raise(not what I was making at the new company but pretty close). My boss countered by asking me to work part-time, so I have been working both jobs for about the past month. 50-60 hour weeks, up to 12-14 hours a day. Both the family business and department I work in at the 'new' company are understaffed, and I'm not sure if my corporate boss wants to let me go even after they find someone to take my position. My responsibilities at the family business have also increased drastically. I was pretty much a clerk for the entirety of the time I was working there before(from my high school years until recently). Now I find myself in charge of the entire show if my folks aren't there, making me the de facto store manager over several employees. I'm finding myself learning skills such as handling delicate situations and leading others, which I think is a great change of pace. However, the time has come where we need extra help. A close friend (and fellow fur) approached me a little while ago asking if we were hiring. I told him I would go to bat for him and talked with my folks. Despite his age (early 20s), he has demonstrated to me he is quite mature, well spoken, intelligent, and an overall good person. He also manages his personal life very well. While hesitant at the idea of hiring a personal friend, my folks interviewed him a few days ago and hired him on the spot. He starts in a couple of weeks. This isn't the first time I have worked here with a close friend. However, this is the first time I have worked with a friend as more or less their boss. We have discussed this at length, and he doesn't feel as if things will impact our friendship. My question, however, is this. How do I juggle the hats of being a good friend and an effective manager? I've been around my folks for so long that I've known the ropes of managing without being a jerk for some time, and I've also been pulling pages from Dale Carnegie's classic book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People,' especially the mantra to always encourage and never criticize. Are there any tips to make this professional and personal relationship work out? Heisenwolf * * * Welcome Back, Heisenwolf, Glad my earlier advice helped you, and also proud of your for being so successful. I would, though, caution you on overworking yourself. Keeping up that schedule can really burn a person out, so try to make some time for yourself to unwind. But that’s not what your letter is about. Papabear is well familiar with the problem of working with friends. Back in Michigan, I went into a business where I was one of the bosses and my partner hired a bunch of his friends and people he knew from the business. Long story short, although we all worked very hard, the business went under. There were a lot of hard feelings and people pointing fingers, the result being that none of those people are my friends anymore. Working with friends (and family) can really put a strain on a relationship. When it comes to your friend working for you, perhaps you could think of what you and your family do to get along. You all work together and yet you are not at each other’s throats; it sounds like you get along fine. What would you chalk that up to? Similar strategies could be used when relating to your friend. My other piece of advice would be to keep your work and your friendship absolutely separate from each other (my partner and I made the mistake of not doing this). After you leave your business for the day and, say, go to a restaurant and share dinner with your friend, do not discuss business at all. You guys were friends before you worked together, so talk about other things that you share—furry stuff springs to mind. And if your friend starts to bring up work, interrupt him and say, “Well, if you want to discuss that, let’s do it in the office in the morning.” Keep work at the workplace. If, while at work, you have a situation in which you have to be the boss and correct the behavior of your friend, always do so constructively. Make sure to point out what he is doing right as well as what he did wrong. Remember to avoid the following: 1. Don’t reprimand him in front of other people. 2. Don’t attack him on a personal level. This is about business, not personalities. 3. Don’t threaten him (e.g., “If this keeps up, I may have to fire you.”) A good boss is involved in helping his employees grow and improve. Be a coach, and follow up to see how things are going. Of course, if your friend becomes a model employee and things are going well with the business, you should have no worries at all. But even in that case, I would still keep work and social time separate. Hope that helps! And don’t work too hard! Papabear Hello Papabear,
I'm usually terrible at writing long explanations, but, oh well, here goes nothing, heh. I’ve kinda ... hit a stump in my life where I constantly feel like I’m lost and just cant figure out a direction to go in. Iv always wanted to be a game designer or you know work with anything having to deal with video games since I was little, but I was never really good at academic stuff. It got even worse when I went to high school. There was a lot of stressful things going on for me at home at the time so I just shut down, constantly trying to escape how miserable I was with daydreaming and video games instead of school and homework so I eventually dropped out. Fast forwarding to now, I now live with my grandmother sitting on a "diploma" I got from the Lincoln academy online high school. Which saddens me to say I only got because the answers to all the tests for it was posted online so since I couldn't answer them and pass on my own I pretty much cheated to get it. So now with that I've been trying to get a job for months but, I have no references, no "special skills," or anything that would impress someone on an application so nowhere I apply to seems to even want to give me the time of day. This wouldn't stress me out as much ... if I didn’t have a car to pay for. I was pressure into buying it from my grandma because the one I was in was very old and close to giving out. I told her since I was only in a temporary position at Wal-Mart and didn’t know for sure if I should used my saved up car money just yet. Well after a few months of giving Wal-Mart the best work I could I thought there was a chance that I would get hired on as permanent part time since I was doing so well and gave in to my grandmother's pressure and went ahead and got the car. Lo and behold Wal-Mart hires more temps and tosses me aside like used garbage and I haven’t been able to find anything since. So now I just feel ... lost. Everywhere I look my friends are going for or living out the career of their choice while I’m sitting here with absolutely no path in site. I want to better myself and even though my boyfriend says its fine and I will find something for me eventually I’m scared to try new things and I’m terrified of college considering I couldn't even make it through regular high school or even an online one. I want to better myself and be a man my boyfriend can be proud of you know? Though every time I try something new to see if I could be good at it my mind and body just freeze up and thoughts of failure just constantly run through my mind until I give up. I guess it stems from people always either putting me down or treating me as if I cant do anything all my life ... I dunno. So I guess what I want to know is, how do I get over this fear that prevents me from trying new things so I can get a hold on my life, push myself in the right direction, and maybe find decent employment. Sorry if this letter is all over the place and filled with bad grammar this is my first time writing a long letter like this. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. A lost sun bear (age 20) * * * Dear Sun Bear, I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time, but there are some things you can do to try to get you over the hump. There are a lot of furries out there like you who love computer games and think that, therefore, being a game designer would be a super job, not realizing that to be in this field you need to excel at such things as mathematics, computer programming, and graphic design, not to mention being very creative. So game designing wasn’t for you—as it is not for many people—and you defaulted to a Wal-Mart job and soon learned a big reason why Papabear despises Wal-Mart: the way they treat their employees. Even so, did you really see yourself working at MegaChineseCheapCrapStore for the rest of your life? I’m sure you did not. But now you have to get back on track. The thing is, you don’t know where to start. One thing you can do is take a career aptitude test. There are a number of them online, some are free, some are pay tests. If you are able to, you can also seek out a career counselor at a local high school or community college and see if they can give you an aptitude test at the school. What you really need to do is find out not just what you are interested in, but what you are good at. Everyone has things that they are more inclined to excel in than others. I know you don’t want to go back to school. You know you will earn more, usually, with a college degree than without one. But there are careers you can go into without an advanced degree. Some of these include: police officer, dental assistant, secretary, architectural draftsman, electrical technician, plumber, HVAC repairman, construction machine operator, sales representative, hair stylist, cosmetologist, industrial machine repairman, insurance agent, airline attendant, surveyor, stenographer, online SEO specialist, social media specialist, and even paralegal (although that last one is usually better with an associate’s degree). Several of these careers have people who make $40K to $60K a year, after some experience. What you need is to get your foot in the door. One good way to do this is an apprenticeship program. For your state, Virginia, you can visit this page http://www.doli.virginia.gov/apprenticeship/registered_apprenticeship.html to learn more (around the country, the U.S. Department of Labor sponsors these programs-- http://www.doleta.gov/OA/sainformation.cfm). These programs offer on-the-job training, after which you can obtain a license to practice in your field. Companies across the country need people who are skilled in the trades much more than they need someone who worked at Wal-Mart. Obtain a skill (with minimal book learning) by practicing it in the real world, which, I have a feeling, may be more up your alley. Last, but not least, there is always the military. You are still very young, so as long as you are in good health, you would probably be welcomed by one of the branches of our military. Service could do you some good by giving you a structured environment and also an education. You can learn more at http://www.military.com/. I hope these tips can help you, Sun Bear. Good Luck! Papabear Dear Papabear,
I have been on a tough road as far as finding employment for a while now, and as such the family that has taken me in to live with them. It has been about 6 months since then and still no job, so I've been told by one of my family members that if I didn't get one by this May, I'd be kicked out and sent to a homeless shelter. I'm slowly beginning to believe that may come to pass, despite my current efforts at filling out application after application. If it should truly come to that, I briefly considered overdosing on my naproxen to just end this frustration once and for all. Would it truly still be worth it to keep hope and faith alive with such a looming threat hanging over my head? Anonymous (age 30, St. Louis, MO) * * * Dear Anonymous, Your letter makes the bear sad. I can see why you would be depressed, but being unemployed and having an unsupportive family are not the worst things in life and certainly not worth killing yourself over. I’m sorry your family is treating you this way. If I had a family member who was in need of my help, I would welcome them into my home and try to help them for however long it took until they were back on their feet. That is what real family does. Do all of your family members feel this way? If not, talk to the ones who don’t and persuade them to be on your side on this, then team up with them to make your case with the naysayers to let you stay there for now. It seems to me that as long as you are making a concerted effort to find work, you should be allowed to stay. If the problem is they are having a hard time with money, there are things you can do about that. If you haven’t already, you can probably pay for much of your own food by applying for government food assistance. Go here to learn more about that. Are you getting unemployment? Certainly you should be, if you are not, go here. You can also offer to help around the house as much as possible, if you haven’t done that already. Doing chores, watching the kids, yard work, handyman projects, anything you can do like that will not only show you are supporting the family but will also save them money. Make yourself a valuable member of the family and see if that will turn things around for you. Meanwhile, the job search. You don’t say much about your job history, how you became unemployed, etc., so I am just shooting in the dark here. Now, if the following is the case, you are in great luck: if you were laid off from any of these companies in the St. Louis area, you can get free training and employment help: Hostess, Yellow Pages, Mars, Faurecia, CPI, Energizer, ATK, Climax Packaging, Thyssen Krupp, Sanofi-Aventis, or American Italian Pasta Company. If so, go here and contact the SLATE Missouri Career Center. SLATE stands for the St. Louis Agency on Training and Employment. Contact them, even if you didn’t work for any of the above, and they should be able to point you in the right direction, including career counseling and possibilities for further education, if needed. While that’s going on, don’t forget to network. Contact and talk to every friend and relative you have, tell them what you are looking for, and see if they might give you some leads. Learn to market yourself. You can start doing so cheaply by starting a professional Facebook page (note: that’s different from your personal page), and getting some free business cards from Vistaprint.com. You can even start a very low-cost business website with such services as GoDaddy.com or Weebly.com to promote yourself. You don’t say what your skills are, but you might try using whatever skills you have to be a freelancer like yours truly. Sometimes you don’t even have to have any particular skills, just be a hard worker and well-organized. For example, I have a friend in the valley who is a professional errand-runner. He does pretty much anything you need: fetching groceries, house sitting, pet sitting, shuttle service to the airport, getting your dry cleaning, anything you like. Yogi and I hired him to take us to the airport and then watch our house while we were in New York, for example. Depending on your resources and, again, skills, you can do most anything if you are good at marketing yourself. Here’s a helpful article on the subject. These days, more and more people are becoming freelancers and starting businesses in their homes because they’ve been screwed over by corporate America. You could be one of those people! Er, the successful freelance type, not the screwed over type :-P There are many possibilities for you, dear furiend, if you put your mind and energy to them. Please put dire thoughts of suicide aside. If you can’t, please seek help right away. The national suicide prevention hotline can help you online and for free—they are just a click away. As long as there is life, there is hope. And there is hope for you. You have only been unemployed for six months. There are people out there who have been jobless for years, but they are still trying. Don’t give up and you will eventually, inevitably, find work again. Write again, please, if you need more help. Hugs, Papabear * * * Dear Papabear, Thank you so very much for responding to my letter. I needed someone else to talk to and you did make me feel a little better. I realized shortly after I wrote the letter that I didn't actually fully convey or be more elaborate with the details of what is going on with me currently and I'm sorry for that. As far as my living sitaution, my two family members ( my cousins, mostly one of them ) I have a pretty tenuous relationship with stemming from the fact that she didn't want me to stay with them in the first place seeing as I'm a grown man and I'm not gravely disabled on anything. My other cousin is more laid back and was the one who convinced the other to allow me to move in with them. I can understand where they're coming from having another person seemingly barging into their lives and a young guy no less (they're in their early 60s). One is retired and the other is still working planning her own retirement in a few more years. I do have food stamps actually. I reapplied for them a couple months ago, I can't receive unemployment was due to the fact that I worked under a company that was non-profit. I worked at a former military record center as a custodian from Sept. 2003 to Dec. 2012. I was let go due to the fact that I had spent too long off work to care for my aunt who was suffering from cancer before she died in mid-August last year. I'm also receiving job assistance from a career placement agency. I don't have many family members or anyone else close to me to refer to about jobs except for a couple more cousins and I dont have any other special skills yet I believe I have a decent work ethic along with considerable people skills. In the meantime, I clean the kitchen and dispose of the trash as well as straighten out my basement room and bathroom. Sorry for the long letter here and thank you again for listening. I try to keep looking on the bright side of things. Hugs, Anonymous * * * Hello, again, Glad I could ease your mind a little bit. Permit me to comment a bit on your second letter because some of this may benefit my readers. First of all, it doesn't matter whether you work for a for-profit or nonprofit company or organization. If you are fired, you can collect federal unemployment assistance. I recommend you apply for it as soon as possible. I don't know who told you that you couldn't get unemployment, but they were dead wrong. Secondly (and, again, I don't know enough details here), in most cases, companies are legally required to try to work with you if you are caring for a terminally ill family member before they fire you. Depending on the job, they can offer you more flexible hours, the chance to work at home, or unpaid time off. Now, the law does not put too much burden on companies, if they can make a case that this would cost them too much money or they are unable to adjust staffing to accommodate you. But, some effort could have been made before firing you, I believe. Depending on circumstances, it might be worth your time to consult an attorney about this. At least, keep it in mind for future reference. It's good you help around the house, but, seeing as you are unemployed, I suggest you do more than clean the kitchen and keep your room and bathroom clean. If it were me in your situation, I would be cleaning the entire house and yard and running errands for my hosts. You're thirty years old and they're in their sixties and one of them still works; I'm sure you have a lot more time and energy on your hands then they do, so use it to ingratiate yourself to them. If you are lacking nearby friends and relatives for networking opportunities, try contacting former coworkers. Check the newspaper for local business gatherings. You might try--if you can afford to--joining the local chamber of commerce or other local business group. Oh, and when it comes to applying for a job, don't say, "I have a decent work ethic along with considerable people skills." Everybody says that, and it will get you nowhere fast. You need some skills, so now's the time to get some. Talk to the unemployment office or an employment agency about free or low-cost training opportunities in your area. Glad you no longer sound suicidal!!!! Good luck!!! Papabear I'm not sure what to write here or even what the response I receive will be, with that said, hello, first time writing to ya.
I suppose I should start off at the beginning of what put me into my current situation, just a few years ago I joined the US Army, went through the training, deployed to Afghanistan once, got back to the states and did some bullshit for the next few months and eventually left the military with an honorable discharge. After this I moved in with my folks and spent some time off just living on the money I saved up in the military, then started looking for a job, couldn't find one, money dried up, parents asked me to move out. The trailer I was living in on their property didn't have heat anyways and winter was approaching quickly, I heard of a homeless veteran shelter and moved in there. Its not a bad place, its clean, safe and has food available, its just, still can't find a job, last couple months I've been pretty depressed about my situation, enough that I have had certain thoughts that I would prefer not to mention here but I am sure you will suggest I seek a "licensed professional." Honestly I prefer not speaking to one, reasons being that with the current state of the country, and the fact that if one of these "licensed professionals" can legally strip me of my second amendment rights if they feel my mental state is not within a certain standard. I do not want to wake up one day with a police officer knocking on my door demanding my firearms because of some bout of depression I was treated for. I wouldn't be surprised if I am on some type of government watch list for the sole reason of serving this country. I suppose that is all I have to write for now, maybe you have some advice for my situation. Thanks, Rob * * * Dear Rob, I would like to start my reply by giving you a big “Thank You!” for bravely serving your country and all of us who remained at home. That was a selfless thing to do and must be acknowledged. I think it is pretty awesome that there are furries in the military (I assume you’re a furry and that’s how you found my column.) Papabear can understand your reticence about seeking professional help. I often suggest to writers who contact me that they do such, but more important is that you reach out to someone when you are troubled. And I think it is a very good sign that you have written to me that you are thinking clearly and have not sunk so low as to be a danger to yourself or others. It is also understandable that at this point in your life you would be depressed. Who wouldn’t be? You have put your life on the line only to come back and find yourself jobless and kicked out of your parents’ home. It is a dirty shame that, for the most part, our federal government has fallen down on the job when it comes to helping veterans, especially when it comes to getting jobs and reestablishing themselves in mainstream society. Nevertheless, if you haven’t already done so, I would recommend you contact Veteran Affairs at http://www.va.gov/. The VA not only has medical assistance to those who need it, but also job training and job search programs. That would be a good start. If you have already done that, then you can also look into private veteran organizations like the National Veterans Foundation (http://nvf.org/) which has chapters throughout the country. A big part of what they do is help vets find work. There is also AmVets (http://www.amvets.org/), which does have training and grant programs, though admittedly a lot of their focus seems to be on helping vets with medical and other financial problems. On the next level, start connecting to local and war-relevant groups. Since you served in Afghanistan, you are eligible to join the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (http://iava.org) for free. The IAVA is focused on assisting with health, training, and employment of veterans of these wars. Finally, you can search for local organizations in your state, county, or city. Search under “veterans for veterans” and see what you can locate using Google. Or, you could probably get recommendations from the IAVA if you asked their office. Oh! And don’t forget your furiends! Connect with military furs at such places as http://militaryfurries.livejournal.com/ and http://furry4life.org/forum/topics/military-furs. This might not lead to a job, but it will give you some social support that you might need. As you can see, Rob, getting help and reaching out doesn’t necessarily mean looking for a mental health professional. My instinct is that you are not crazy or a danger in any way; you are simply depressed because of the southward turn your life has taken. I hope that some of the information above can put you on a course toward helping you find your way out of your present situation. Papabear Salutes You! Dear Papa Bear,
I started making these journals that I call Soul Journals as a hobby at first. It is started to get expensive and I want to continue. I have just recently joined Furaffinity.net and started posting my journals up to adopt out. So far I haven't sold anything. I have plenty of people comment on how they wish they had one. In order to try to gain some support, I have posted up a free giveaway. Simple rules is that they must watch me, comment on a journal and post a journal about the give away on their page. Two weeks have passed and I have only had two hits. So far that is not much of a raffle and I will end up losing money with no support. Now I am trying to figure out other means to get support without sound pushy. Any ideas? Thanks with all my love, Ravensylvarii * * * Dear Ravensylvarii, Well, I can tell you that marketing to furries can be very difficult. For instance, I opened up a store of Ask Papabear items with a very nice drawing by my cubby Dan the Bear, and I have not sold anything. My site has gotten very popular, and I have spent hundreds of dollars on it. While I am not writing the advice column to get rich, it would be nice to sell a few things to cover my expenses. Anyway, I looked at your FA page and your journals are quite beautiful. I do notice, though, that only one of them has furries on it, the rest are all flowers and butterflies. Now, while these are very pretty, perhaps you might do better by creating journals with different furry species on them since that is who you are marketing to. You might also try getting a table at a furcon or two and selling your journals in the dealers’ den. I would also like to suggest, however, that you don’t restrict yourself to the furry market. I think your journals would have a very broad appeal to many people outside the fandom, especially women and young girls. If I were you, I would gather up a bunch of my journals and take them to local gift shops (not chains like Hallmark, but locally owned stores) and see if I could get some interest there. Also, book shops would probably sell journals like yours. Too, set up a website (you can get them very cheap now), print up some business cards, and go out and sell! Take your hobby seriously and I believe you can create a real business out of it. You are making a mistake by restricting yourself to the furry community. Your journals have mass market appeal and are quite beautiful. Good luck! Papabear Hello Papabear!
I've asked for your advice before, but this time it's not for relationships or anything. This time it's a tiny bit more complicated. I'm completely torn. I want to continue going to college, but I recently discovered that I had lost one of my scholarships (my GPA dropped to 2.6 and I had to have at least a 3.0 to keep it). I have also found that I cannot afford an apartment for the next semester and the only jobs I'm sure I can get are minimum wage; which obviously will not pay for an apartment. On top of that, I have no career in mind. I've been trying to get a Psychology degree, but that won't do much for me if I don't want a career. My mate told me that it might be best to just drop, as he was worried about how stressed I was during my first year (he will be dropping college, as he found it's just faster to learn things on the Internet at his own pace). I'm also weary of what my mother would think if I dropped this apparent dead-end road. I just can't decide if I want to learn the way my mate does or continue my college experience. Michelle Woofwoof * * * Dear Woofwoof, Welcome back to Papabear’s column :-3 The Internet is a cool way to learn many things, but if you ever hope to get a job as a psychologist you are going to need a college degree, preferably an advanced degree. No one is ever going to hire a “psychologist” who learned his/her craft by browsing the Web. Ain’t gonna happen (your mate should take note, too). So, unless you want to abandon that dream, you need to study at an accredited institution. Now, there are several things you can do to get back on track, one of which is to get that GPA back up where it belongs. Another is to not get an apartment, or to share an apartment with several other people. Having your own digs is a luxury that most college students cannot afford, and you should not expect it as a given. Another option is to attend a college or university near your parents’ home and live with them while you finish school. Still another option: go to school part time. Instead of carrying 15 or 18 credits per term, take 2 or 3 courses tops while you work the rest of the time. See if your college, too, offers online courses to make this easier and possibly less expensive. Also, if you are an underclassman, consider taking your first two years at a community college, which is cheaper, and find one that has an agreement with your university to easily transfer credits toward a bachelor’s. Now, if you don’t really wish to be a psychologist or pursue a career that requires a 4-year degree, there is no shame in that. Americans are always telling their children that they have to go to college when, in truth, college is not for everyone. There is actually a high demand in this country for tradesmen who have a two year degree in industry-related fields like CAD/CAM operators and dental hygienists (for some reason, dental hygienists are in very high demand right now, but don’t go to some fly-by-night place to study. If that career appeals to you, talk to your dentist and ask him or her where the best place to get certified is.) Here is a helpful article about things you can accomplish with a two-year degree: http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/nerdscholar/2012/top-jobs-associates-degree/. Many of these jobs pay very well, too. Finally, there is no shame at all in pursuing a career such as master plumber, electrician, contractor, mechanic, or beautician. I, for one, admire and highly value a person who can do such things with skill, and one thing you can count on: these jobs are NEVER outsourced overseas because it’s not like you can ship your house or car (or face or hair) overseas to have someone in China fix it and send it back, eh? I hope this gives you some ideas and inspires you to look into fields that may be more suitable to you and bring you financial stability and personal satisfaction. Good Luck, Papabear Hello Papabear!
First off, this doesn't pertain to anything related to furry but I do hope that you can still provide some advice for me. I am a 20 year old college student (soon to be 21) and I find myself suck in a situation that is in between my work life and my relationship life. I'm working very hard to achieve academic success as a full time student as well as working a part-time job at the same time. I'll be leaving my job soon but I'm also close to completing my Associates Degree, and once I finish that in another year or I'll try to transfer to a 4-year school. I haven't been in a relationship for about a year now, and I haven't had a care in the world about having one until these past couple of weeks. I don't do online dating and I'm also very picky about who I choose to date. I know I have been isolated a lot from friends and family because of all my work but as of lately it's been growing desire of mine to open up to a relationship. However I fear that because of all the things I do I wouldn't be able to devote myself to a committed relationship with someone. I feel that I don't have the time or energy. I also feel that the timing is bad because even if I did find a person I would probably have to leave them to go to the 4-year school. My question is, should I try to open myself up to a relationship or should I just wait until I reach the 4-year school despite how I feel about wanting a companion? Thank you! Max Horizon * * * Dear Max, Your letter is a good complement to one I wrote just a couple days ago (http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2013/05/is-it-okay-to-be-single-and-happy-about-it.html). In that letter, the person wasn’t looking for love and was just content to be single for the time being. In your case, you seem to have some desire for a relationship but worry that you don’t have time for one. Have you ever heard the expression, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy”? If all you do is work, study, eat, sleep, and poop, you’re going to head for a stressful breakdown or just become totally exhausted and numb. The difference between you and the other letter writer is your desire for a mate. Both of you live active lives, and I advised him not to worry about finding a mate since he was perfectly content to be where he was in his life at this time. But, if YOU have a desire for a relationship, then just because you have a busy life you shouldn’t close the door on what could be something amazing. You don’t have to go out on the hunt for someone to date, but don’t turn away someone who shows an interest just because you are busy. Like I implied above, everyone needs a break from work and school once in a while. You will actually be more effective in both if you have taken some time to relax and have a little fun. What better way to have a good time than to spend it with a new love interest? Therefore, keep yourself open to a relationship. Keep working and studying hard, but if you happen to meet someone who has that special spark and the chemistry is right, don’t say, “Sorry, I have no time for love right now, I need to study.” And, if it works out, it doesn’t mean you have to constantly entertain your new mate. There is something lovely about just being in the same room together, even if you are in bed and you are reading a school book. It’s being together that matters. Good Luck! Papabear Dear Papa Bear I live in Northern Minnesota with my grandmother. I'm 19 years old and I've been looking for a job for the past two months. I was recently let go of my last job, and I haven't been able to find any. I've looked and looked, I've made calls, I've had interviews, but it doesn't seem like interested in hiring me. My grandmother is getting rather fed up with me not having a job, but she puts up with me anyways. I have an option to move to Fargo, North Dakota and live with a friend so I can find some work; granted I couldn't find any last time I went there... Do you think relocating to an entirely new area is a smart choice? I just don't know who to turn to ask about this. I've asked myself several times and it always seems that I'm more trouble than I'm truly worth. :P What do you think I should do? Sammi Foxxpaw * * * Hi, Sammi, It might very well be a good decision to move to look for work, but don’t put the cart before the horse. Before you make the leap anywhere, you can do a lot online to explore job opportunities in areas where you might like to live. Based on my reading, North Dakota could be a good place to move if you work in the health care industry. Places like Fargo (surprisingly!) have become retirement meccas because there is a very positive doctor-to-patient ratio, low crime rate, and reasonable housing costs. Another industry in North Dakota that is booming is the oil industry (seehttp://money.cnn.com/2011/09/28/pf/north_dakota_jobs/index.htm). The good thing about this is that whenever there is a boom in one industry, such as health care or oil, a lot of related and support businesses grow up around them as a result. Go online and look up newspaper sites where your friend lives and check out the want ads to give yourself an idea of what may be available for you. Here’s a very interesting chart as well (source: http://wpcarey.asu.edu/bluechip/jobgrowth/jgu_states.cfm). As you can see, North Dakota ranks at the top for job growth. But be a little wary of the stats because this is based on percentage of population. So, the number of jobs added in North Dakota is actually a lot fewer than in Utah, Texas, or Colorado, for instance.
You can see, too, that Minnesota ranks 14th in job growth, not too bad but not all that great. If you are having no luck finding work where you are not, expanding your search to other states is actually a sound choice. But, instead of moving to your friend’s place and then looking for work, search for jobs first, and then make arrangements to move. That’s the smart thing to do. Another smart thing to do is to get more education. You say you are 19, so I am guessing you only have a high school degree. Remember, the more education you have, the easier it is to find work, as well as higher-paying work. Good luck! Papabear Hey Papabear,
I need a little perspective. I'm a girl, in my mid-twenties, and I've always been a maternal, caring person (or so the people around me tell me). I love helping people when I can, and I do my best to never ask others for help if at all possible (though recently I've had to). I started a crafting business when I was a kid, and have made it a serious thing now, which has been really fulfilling for me. I offer most of my stuff at about 15% above cost, just so I can cover fees and everything without losing money. Some people have told me I should charge more, but I don't want to. I know how much it sucks to want to buy something pretty, and not be able to afford it because the person who made it wants ten times what it cost to make. I don't want to do that to people. I enjoy what I do, so it's not really a 'job' to me, so I see no point in charging like it's some really tough job. Lately, I've started a donation program (you might remember cuz I emailed you about it too), where people who I would be donating to have the option of collaborating with me to create items specific to them, so that their fans can purchase something related to them, while still supporting them, and not just me. The problem I seem to be having, however, is that people misunderstand, and just assume I want to make money off of their ideas. I think they think I'm trying to rip off their popularity and make money from it. It is true that I would be making a little bit of money from these items, but that's not why I offer the option of making them. It's not even a required option or anything, it's just that I thought they should have the right to tell me "hey make this thing that looks like something related to my webcomic/blog/art/characters/etc so people will be more inclined to buy it and thus raise more money for me" if they wanted to. Unfortunately, when you try to explain it to someone who is at all popular for the things they make/do/say, they just assume the former things instead, and take offense to it. I don't want to upset any of these people, I'm honestly just eager to support them in the only way I currently can. Can you think of a way I could go about telling these people what I'm trying to do without either making them think it's a crummy idea, or sounding like a preachy infomercial? Thanks bunches in advance =3 KGH * * * Hi, KGH, Yes, we have spoken about this, and I am going to talk to you about it further because I’m interested in your services. As some of my readers know, I put an excellent design by Dan the Bear onto goods sold at Cafe Press. A lot of people have looked at that page, but no one is buying because I guess they are a little too pricey for many furries. I have been accused of trying to make money off my advice column, but truthfully I am only trying to recover some of my advertising and other costs (fyi, I’ve spent about $200 on this column and haven’t made a dime, not counting the many hours of time I invest in it). Like you, I am not in this for the money; I am trying to do something fulfilling and meaningful and just break even on costs. But let’s cut to the chase. The answer to your question is simple: create a written contract for each person who agrees to use your services. You don’t have to know Legalese to do this. Simply outline what you agree to do for the client and what they agree to do for you in return. Make two copies for each party, sign and date the copies, and have them notarized (although that’s not necessary, really, just something to reassure people), which you can often do for free at your local bank. It’s too bad that the people you talk to don’t trust you with a verbal contract (also legal and binding), but these days I don’t blame them much, either. Having everything in writing should make all parties more confident that no shenanigans are involved. (Oh, and remember to include an “out” clause in the contract that explains how parties can get out of the agreement, and also include a clause that tells all parties which state the contract is being formed in so that the laws of that state apply and there’s no confusion there). I know all of this is rather tedious, but whenever you want to have an agreement involving money, property, etc., the safest course is to have everything in writing so that there are no misunderstandings. Worse case scenario: you have a big argument and have to hand a copy of the contract to Judge Judy, who will stare at you sternly for a while, but then smile (or grimmace, kinda hard to tell with her, but I think she's hysterical) because you did your homework. Hope that helps! We’ll talk soon, promise! Papabear |
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